So.

You guys love our food.

But you guys also sure eat a lot of pizza. And sushi. And Thai. And Whole Bowl. And Elephants. And that’s only on the days you’re not at Whole Foods or Blue Hour or Clyde. Or just plain brown baggin it. And there’s a ton of other delicious other food in the hood. Some of which we serve, most of which we probably wouldn’t even bother to try improving upon. And no matter how money chef Amy’s or my own cooking skills may be, we don’t expect you to eat with us every meal. The many, many of you we see regularly make us happy and keep us coming to work every day. We do our best to know what you need before you know you need it. We do this because it makes us happy and because we pretty much love you.

If on the other hand, if it were making us rich, we’d still be open. Due to unpredictability of the ebb and flow of the outside catering competition, birthday and promotion and interview and welcome and going away lunches, irresistible weather, summer vacations, and innumerable business trip you kids take, free pizza, free sushi, days when we get bumped from our space on the 6th floor --- it all costs more than we can afford to sustain on our own. It’s not a business model that anyone could really sustain without business from the outside world or a management contract that keeps “bad days” from hurting us. And on the days you all are here and eating at the coffee bar like a bunch of starving junkies, it takes all four-point-five of us to keep you happy. In almost every way, our failure is a direct result of our success. Fuckin' bummer.

In a nutshell:
• Our available business is limited to the folks inside W+K
• Our limited available business is unpredictable on both good and bad days; so we’re either dead or slammed
• If it costs us (hypothetically) $10 to run the coffee bar for one day and we only make $5 selling sandwiches and smoothies that day, someone needs to come up with that other $5. Add a bunch of zeros to those hypothethicals and you’ll see the problem.
• If we “scale back” then we can handle much less business when we are busy, thereby slowing us down altogether, which means you guys are headed to Whole Foods if the wait seems too long, and that kills business, too.
• When the building is empty, there are not people to whom to serve sandwiches, or cater, so we can’t make up for sandwich sales loss with a volume sale simply because there’s nobody to sell to.
• Not one of these variables is predictable or trackable in any way, so every day we assume maximum financial risk just by showing up.

Our exciting move up to the 6th floor space was thwarted by logistics issues that were expensive for us to solve and further depleted our already non-existent daily-ops budge.

We’ve spent the past couple of weeks examining options with agency money-minders and outside investors to see how we can stay afloat under our current challenging business model. We handed over the Profit and Loss statement of our last nine months of operations for a bare knuckles assessment of our plight. Let us just say, sticker shock would be the underfuckingstatement of the universe to describe the reaction to our annual operating costs. For example, if it’s the difference between hiring another creative team to manage your overflowing workload or dump cashish into the bottomless pit of a coffee bar, that’s a hard call. One nobody wants to make lightly, and rightfully so. The agency has already spent a fuckload of money to set up our infrastructure for cooking and serving.

We’ve identified other streams of revenue – like catering for example – but even that service is too unpredictable to count on to make up for lost sando sales. All of the rest of the revenue streams we’ve identified are viable, but cost cash-money and human resources to institute. Money and manpower we don’t have.

We’ve tried to provide you with W+K-level service; and make up for it like crazy when we fail you. Everyone has been so patient and gracious, but we were bleeding from the ca$hole. Rather than make us broker while we’re figuring out how – if at all – we can come back to the agency without costing us more while we wait – the agency very humanely and graciously released us of our contract obligations to allow us to close.

Everyone is doing everything they can as quickly as they can to come up with a solution. The agency powers-that-be want us to stay and know we didn’t want to leave in the first place. In the meantime, we’re going to be around in soft-format catering for Joint (THANK YOU FOR YOUR BUSINESS, JOINT!!!!), and praying to the mother of all that’s holy that there will be a way to work this bitch out.

If there is, let there be food.

If there is not: let it be known that being here for as long as we were, watching this business grow into an unpredictable behemoth, getting to know each and every one of you who makes this building a living, breathing organism – it was all worth it. Every dollar spent, every free cookie, every stolen soda.

We’ll try to keep you abreast of developments by blog as they come up. But that, my dears, is entirely unpredictable as well. There’s a lot going on up in this piece, and we’re just one more line item on an already long to-do list.

Huge shouts out to Kristen and Krystal for tirelessly trying to salvage Devil’s Lunchbox in its present-day format; Lori for crunching our unsavory numbers; and to all of you who wrote us heartfelt and tear-jerking emails about how much you love us and will miss us. We don’t want to be missed. We want to be here with you.

Mac Jones

Sweet, fancy Jesus (says my webfriend Wood). It's hotter than a mofo on deck.

Know what else is hotter than you-know-what-gets-sweaty-in-the-summer?

Mac + Cheese + Asparagus on the side with a side salad on the side of that.
For $5.25!


Come down. Call up. But whatever you do, don't miss the macky goodness.
Dessert TBD! Cracks on standby, though.

Tamales and Tortilla Soups tomorrow.

Off to meet you guys for lunch.

Lunch. Tuesday.0 + A Life

Today's deal deeply involves Lavender Marionberry Scones, and we're already fresh outta Pine States. It's getting hotter outside by the millisecond, so you may want to forgo the Morning Wood in favor of a light and healthful Yogurt + Local Berry + Granola Parfait.

In other news, lunch is hot, healthy, and hella good. Maple Roasted Chicken or Vegy Quorn Roasted Sweet Potatoes with Zucchini Fritters. Tatum and Alberto are currently arm wras'lin over who gets first dibbs. Toss a tasty little side salad on there and call 'er good.


Thanks to one and all for cruising by the coffee bar a few extra times this week and to all of the fabulous catering calls we've gotten this week. We're looking forward to seeing everyone at Illick's Scottography Show this afternoon. The show is sure to please as Chickenbreath Phillips is a crazy fascinating subject. Our sassy, tall drink-o-water Aurora will be pouring your margs, so don't be late. The party starts at 4.30! Lube up with your best SPF and we'll see you beneath the setting sun.

Something special in the salad

Hey team. Today's cracking up to be epic. All the Pine States were donezo by 10, and now it's time for lunch.

The special today is afreakingmazing.
Asian Citrus Chicken Salad with grilled fresh pineapple, red pepper, cukes, and crunchy wonton noodles with a very light citrus olive oil vinaigrette. Chef Amy is unstoppable. Our specials have been selling out faster than we can dial them in.



The soups du jour are The Tortilla Twins: Chicken and Non-Chicken.


The deck is being cleared off for a non-agency event tonight, so there is no seating at present. So, pull up a log in the atrium and join us for lunch.

See yas in a few!

Whaddya gonna eat about it?

Today is very much like every other day in the Morning Food Department.
Fresh Berry Smoothies

The Communion Smoothie
Yogurt, Granola + Fresh Berry Parfait
Morning Wood on a Pine State with Bacon, Vegy Bacon or Vegy Sausage
Or maybe you just want a plate of egg whites and toast, like Tatum does every morning.
We won't judge or check your cholesterol.

Biscuits and Gravy Day is every Friday for your hangover helplessness.

The soup special today is Shitake + Leek + Rice + Chicken (or veg-friendly non-chicken Quorn)

The hearty lunch special is Pappardalle (thick, wide ribbons of pasta) with Asparagus and tender Lamb! Ragout. Food porn to come. We're just finishing that baby up! Please stand by.

Grab your lunch and head on up to the deck where there's mad, mad deckscaping going on. It's lush, it's beautiful, it's here. Sit and stay a while.


Happy Tuesday, mis amigos mas mucho.

* * * * *

don't forget tamales and tortilla soup tomorrow!!

Killin' it at Cannes

While Old Spice, Nike, and Coca Cola were busy cleaning up at Cannes, we were busy making Monday the right way to celebrate.

Por ejemplo, if you came up to the 6th floor for a visit right at this very moment in time, your olfactories would spontaneously combust. Right now we're rockin bacon, today's soup spesh - leek + shitake + rice soup with chicken and vegy style, aaaand Oregon berry banana muffs. The melange is a benign scentual assault of mantastic proportions.


As it's Monday, there're no Pine States. Bagels, however, are on the agenda -- which means your Morning Wood options are myriad. Yes, I did just kill the predicate nominative with that one. A huff and brush of the old knuckles, and we're off!



Besides lotsa Wood, for breakfast we've also got fresh Oregon Berry + Granola + Yogurt parfaits.
There's brand new deckscaping up top on the Veranda of Deep Creativity. Channel that bamboo and think strong, fast-growing, sustainable thoughts that rattle gently in the breeze. As always, crax and muffs are only the most tendah. And we work hard to make the Wood matter. Happy Monday, Compatriots.

*THIS* is it. Kiss your paychecks goodbye.

Fuckin' A.

We've been promising you (W+K employees only, sorry) paycheck deductions for months now, and FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY. Today's the day. Rachelle's down there and ready to put all your grubbins on your House Account. Yeah, beeches. Think W+K Country Club & Day Spa. "You can put that on my house account."

If you know your employee number, be sure to warm it up. If you don't know your employee number, you had better at least know the name your mama gave you, and your last initial. You can find your employee number on your pay stub, or from your friendly neighborhood HRian.


We're getting read-only menus printed up for your ordering pleasure, and you won't have to fill out our adorable little forms anymore! Just tell us what you're feelin and we'll ring it in and whip it up.

WK12 students receive a 15% discount with your Student ID. You'll have those shortlyish. You can come down to claim your discounted food in the meantime sans scholastic proof.

HUGE, HUGE shout out Krystal G., Kristen C., Tommy Bless, and Dan + Craig, both with H's for helping us get this beast of a POS party up and running fair and square.

I also need to toss a Holla out to Rory, our Restaurant Consulting Field Agent who saved us $19squillion by helping us reprogram the system without spending a fortune to get it to you. Thank you, Rory. We'da been eff'd without you.

Hey, W+K, you can still pay by cash or plastic, but really? Why? There's no need when there's no need.

Onto the Morning Wood!

Holla at The Six-Fingered Fist!

Business before pleasure.

Let us introduce you to the lifespan of our building-renown scones. We take a delicate, light, and tendah hand rolled dough and fill it with lavish, local berry and lavender-infused jams and preserves.


The jammier they are, the more TBless likes them, so jammy they are.



We patty-cake, patty-cake baker's man the shit outta those babies.Cool 'em off, slice 'em up, and drizzle them with sugary lemony ice. Afrigginmazing. Promise. Today we're going apricot lavender.

We're also rockin smooth-like-butter Smoothies featuring freshly frozen Oregon berries.
The Communion sounds nuts, but tastes as unbelievable as a unicorn. It includes berries, banana, soy milk, peanut butter, avocado and a smidge of granola for texture. It's a Matthew Carey Original concraption, so you can be sure as sugar that it's on the money.

Not feeling peanut butter in your breakfast bevvie? Fine. Get a berry peach banana smoothie instead. Pop a packet of Emergen-C in that puppy and call it healthy.

Morning Wood is popping up all over the place, and Yogurt Granola Berry parfaits are tasty and timely.

As it's Wednesday, otra vez, it's all tamales all the time. If you're not in the know, we get our tamales from a local family that hails from Mexico. These bitches are autentica as you can get this side of that border.
Flavors are Chicken Mole, Chicken Chile Verde, and Vegy Cheese + Green Chile, topped with pico de gallo, crema, avo, y cilantro.

Chicken and Non-Chicken Tortilla Soups for days (well, not really. just today), sandos on the regular, and all the usual quesadillae suspects from which to choose.
These Cracktastic Abs are courtesy of blog-reader MFK. She's showing her support of the home team after downing 19 cookies, but before going to the gym.


Since we've moved into the 6th floor kitchen space, there's been a lot of musical chairs. Our Heiney Honeys are gone.We were used to running into the handsomely tall Lee Davis, McCommon's 70's porn star moustache, and newbie Jason Kreher's irresistability. And there're NO Hayley sightings which is a travestational tragedy. But, sigh. They're on 3 now.

Luckily, their successors don't suck. Now we have Lauren + Robin within stinkeyeshot, and we can't cross the catwalk without getting Holla'd at by The Fist.

Cruise by 6 and Holla back at that benevolent gang of crazy kids. They may look funny, but they're busting their asses trying to steal your hi-dolla jobs, so watchyer backs. They're making shit happen.

Happy Tamales con Wednesday. See ya on the coffee cart.

Melancholy Tuesday and the Infinite Madness

Hey, hey, hey, Mateys. Long time no bloggy.

Things up in this piece have been particularly poco loco these days, so blogging has fallen of the map as of late. But no más.

Mama's gonna try to hit that blog up on the daily.

Without further ado, here's whatchas are eatin' today:

Morning Wood du Pine State.

Or perhaps an Organic Granola/Yogurt/Oregon Berry Parfait?


We've also got
+ Black Bean Veggie Chili with a side of Corn Bread
+ Chicken Noodle Primavera. Hell, you can have a side of co'n bread with that, too. Why not?

But WAIT!
It's been a long time, but we're busting the Meatball Sliders out today. Big, big balls -- housemade and hand-rolled -- smovered in housemade marinara and melty mozz. Side of salade to offset your LDL levels? Probably a good idear. Food porn coming soon.
Thurman? This lunch's for you!

The blogging's bound to get back to being good, so please stand by.

S'update

Thanks for tuning into this informational portion of our food service.

This is not a test.

We will be closed until May to get our shit together. Writing catering policies. Tightening up our cracked out tab system. Forcing Kelly Wright and Mathew Foster to get our site launched on time (we're going for Adweek's Interactive Coffee Bar of the Year). Getting our payroll, invoicing, food costing, and sales tracking systems in order, oh my. Figuring out more efficient storage and infrastructure. Stocking up on supplies and equipment. Visiting with my husband and children. Printing gift cards. Designing new order forms, with a side order of new prices. Hiring more help! And moving.

We're moving, someday, into the 6th floor kitchen. We'll be cooking and organizing caterings out of there primarily, at first. We've been working out of my USDA-approved residential kitchen, and ages ago we started to outgrow this little space that was only supposed to be producing a little bit of soup and salad, and a sandwich here or there. I didn't expect you guys to dig this little party so hard, so often, so complimentarily.

I was offered the opportunity to move to bring even more of you together more often. We have fun together, you and us. I'm honored to be incubated and allowed to build a brand here, but quite frankly it's time to blow this shit up. All I used to do was make and ship those Crackadamias™ for which you guys are so hot. I need to get back to that little nibble because, well, it makes money. Slinging sandos one by one, much as it's the part of this gimmick I love most, does not.

Which is a lovely segue into all the catering jobs you see us doing. Catering also makes money. Mama needs money. Selling forty sandos at a time to you and the Nike guys makes money like crazy. We recently had a staffing shift that's left us a soldier shy of a robust army, so we've been working double extra over time to accommodate the upswing. The added help I intend to acquire will shorten Rachelle and Nikki's days to 9 long and tiring hours rather than 11-13. And my days will hopefully shrink to 10 hours from 16 (which has crept into the gross 20+ zone lately). I am fuggin' tired. Which is no secret to you guys since every day I'm greeted with many, many "Damn, Dana. You look tired"s.

If you happen to miss us while we're on hiatus, not to worry.
This one's for you.





We'll keep you posted as to our official reopening date.
Thanks for hanging on while we work it out.

I wasn't prepared to be this popular.

Food, fun, and fuckin' off

You know it's Wednesday when you see our stock boy running around, pushing the cart to and fro, and getting bounced around from AE to CD to ECD to HR.Wednesday's now over and it's time for Thursday lunch food.
Look out friends and neighbors, the lovely ladies of the Red Circle of Doom are feeling feisty.

The Devil's Lunchbox/W+K Lady Volleyballers cruised by this morning and picked up their uniforms which were liberated from San Francisco by the beautiful and EA-savvy Adama Sall.

Today we're going Grilled Sando Crazy!!

"What the fuck is an air sandwich?"
White space filler, baby.

Every grilled sando is like a snowflake. No two are alike. Consistency is for Type-As.

Behold the Balsamic Portobello sando which intimately involves pesto, roasted red peppers, spinach, fresh mozz, and tomato if you want it that way.The Med Platter? Yes. Yes, it is.


Half a sando and a Tortilly soup? Sure. Why not?



And if you haven't noticed, captain Joe Staples is having 5,000 of his closest, craziest friends over tonight. Rachelle met one of them this morning, and it was love at first gander.












Ok. Let's knock this Thursday out. You guys have hangovers to get crackin' on, and quite frankly so do we.

In no particular order

Things have been nuts at the coffee hut.
Lots of people (like kirk, not mary) have been fucking off while they wait for their food.

Some gun for promotions and gold lions whilst patiently waiting fortableside service.
Some trade gossip.And tall tales of long, international boondoggling.
Some come to get waked and baked goods. And hugs. We always start our mornings with deep, deep love for Renny. Somebody has to do it.

Arnie Palmer's still on the scene and getting sipped at left and rightly.
Pick up a Banana Muff for your monkey in the middle.

Tender Steak Fajitas are on today's lunch tip. Our tamale lady is still broken, so no tamales today. Sorry, guys. We know you look forward to it. But this is equally tasty, and pretty fuggin fance if you ask little old us.

Chicken Tortilla Soup. Always a humdinger.

Cracks by the carafe.
And Abby's Gluten-Free Mint Chocolate Chocolate Chip cookies.

So there you have it.
Yum times infinity divided by really fucking delicious.
Easy math.

Monday morning status meeting

So. It's Monday morning, and if you can believe it, I still have no idea who won the game. But I know like crazy whose sody pop beat the shit out of all of the other agencies on Adweek's live superadfreak superbowl chat. Awe. Some. Babs loved up on your business hardcore and fingers are wagging all over downtown blogtown.

I don't make ads no mo', I just feed them.
Here's what we're feeding the ad factory today.

Tommy Bless' Favorite: Blueberry Muffs with Extra Love On Top :: $2.50


Bacony (swine and veggie) Breakfast Burritos,
NOW.
WITH.
MUCH.
MORE

Still includes a ridiculous amount of sauteed onions and green chiles, black beans, heuvos como loco, hash browns; and basically perfected by a trifecta of holy fuck! which means avo, pico, and crema. $5

Morning Wood: Eggy, bacony, cheesy, and english muffiny as ever. $3.75

Fried or scrambled. We don't judge.
Alberto's Morning Wood: Everything you would expect out of a regular morning wood, only lighter by way of egg whites rather than whole eggs, a tomato, and sometimes swiss, louder, and with an accent. Cigs not included.
Voodoo, too.

Fruit and Granola Parfait $3.50
It's Kosher!! Hippie Jewish-Mother-approved Vegetarian Matzoh Bawl Soup. Don't be shy, order a side salad to go with. $4 soup; $6.fitty soup + salad
We're also warming you up with everybody else's favorite, Chicken Tortilly Soup. That snow wasn't a mirage. You're cold. And you can't resist the spicy, shreddy, secret recipe goodness. $5/gulletful.

In case you're wondering what there is to drink, don't forget about Coca Cola Hecho en Mexico, original and lime Perrier, and Arnold Palmers - made to order. An amazingly pintly glass 1/2 full with ice, 1/2 full with lemonade, and 1/2 full with iced tea. That may be one too many halves, but it's a fuggin great drink, so 3 halves it is!

arnie palmer photo credit : wandering chopsticks
Keep your bananas peeled for Miss Abby and her gluten-free cookies. They've been going like Crackadamias, but I'm only slightly worried. Her healthy biscuits are no match for glorious, glutenous organic unbleached flour. There's room for both of us on the coffee bus. We'll try to keep you posted on her contributions to your little glutard love-handles. She already has a pretty deep cult following.

Today we're serving her Gluten-Free Chocolate Mint cookies. Get hasty!
$1.25 ea
You still gotta pay more for your Crack.
White Chocolate Chunk Toffee
Espresso Chocolate Chunk
$1.75

As always, hugs and insults totally free.

Por que no tamales?

Mercedes, our tamales making maven, is out on sick duty. She broke her front toof and is in a world of pain. We only learned of this unfortunate development late last night and so we had to improvise.

Today's especial is Beef or Veggie Taco Salad. A crispy tortilly bowl overstuffed with peppers, onions and black beans sauteed with meat or non-meat, lettuce, pico, cheese, our special mango avocado salsa, a dallop of crema y amor. $6.50

We also have the usual Wednesday deliciousness of Tortilla Soup $5. Add a toasty ciabatta for $1.

As always, cookies forever.

Have a better today than yesterday, over.

My Two Dads

There're lots of things for sale down at the coffee stop.

Including love and citizenship.

Foriegners Joe "Trick Tea" $taples and Alberto "Egg Whites" Ponte have adopted an outsized lump of blue-eyed, red-headed 'Merican baby boy. They will be presenting him at their respective visa/extradition hearings in hopes that their deep, deep love for one another and the child they created together on American soil is convincing enough for the Federales to let them stay, so as to be able to make more Nike infomercials, and raise their son in peace and happiness.

We wish all three of you all the happiness in the world!

Crush of the Week

The only person in the building who is perpetually smiling and means it!


Thanks for making our days these days, Shayla!

Free lunch, your very own Vagina tee, and three very tight, but not airway-constricting hugs. That's whatcha get for being the coffee bar Crush of the Week.

Who's next? It could be you.

Hiatus interruptus

Hey, hey, hey.

Food porn is back in business and ready for duty. Please forgive the slight benign neglect of the blog. The wheels have been turning in this big cement and wood and metal organism. Good things are happening around here, and I'm glad to be back behind the camera and the dishwasher.

Let's start with morning food.

Fruit Parfaits are in the house. Lowfat vanilla yogurt, granola, and fresh fruit.


Delicioso Blueberry Muffs with with extra love on top.
Ever the health-conscious bunch, let us heat up a Date, Raisin, and Bran Muff for your afternoon pleasure. Go on, give it a little pat of butter.

Lunch is looking lovely, but I fear the weather and crazy travel schedules have left this place a ghost town. Even so, lunch is luscious this afternoon. And by afternoon, it means this little ditty will be available at approximately seven minutes past noon. Got a sick baby monkey at home, and we're already an Eastwick Witch down today. "Work Schedule as Birth Control" seminars available every 6th Tuesday of the month.

Tanget notwithstanding, I present to you Steak and (mayoless) Potato Salade on a bed of Organic Field Greens, an accent cheese, and the dressing of your desires. Want a toasty ciabatta? Tack on a buck and we'll call it even.

The non-mayonaissey Potato Salad. Makes you want to lick the picture, don't it?Creamy Tomato Soup is on tap, in addition to Sweet Potato Quesadillas, and the usual Tuna, Chicken, and Egg Salads; Roast Beef, Ham, and Turkey Grilled Sandos, and veggie and gluten-free bread selections.

Chocolate Ganache Bombs that will scramble your brain on contact. Best heated up. Promise.
When in doubt, come down for a cookie, a quick insult, and a kick in the pants. I sure as sugar need one today.


On with it, then. See you at the lunch stable.

Still cricket watching

Thursday isn't much perkier than Wednesday, but at least there are sounds of footsteps among the crickets' songs.

Here's what's what:

Cinnamon Apple Coffee Cake

Breakfast burritos -- veggie or swine-laden.
Morning Wood makins -- including Kettleman's on the daily:

Voodoos by the butt-ton


Chicken Tortilla Soup with all the fixins.

Chicken Green Chile on homade corn tortillas with crema, avo, and pico

Our regular sando menu

And cookies and chocolate cake for dessert.
We're all business this little short-bus of a week. Lots of housekeeping not to much

Back to it

Here's what's kickin' down at the coffee bucket for the first few of 2008.

Mexican Coca Cola :: What's the dif? Mexican Coke is made with real sugar and US Coke is made with high-fructose corn syrup. And then there's the bitchin' bottles. You'll find it in the little fridge next to the cereal table. Can't get that in any other vending machines around here.

Breakfast Burritos: Veggie or Bacony also filled with eggs, black beans, green chiles, hash browns, onions, and cheese; topped with pico, avo, and crema.

No tamales today. Mercedes, our tamale mistress has that wicked cough and cold everybody is trundling around here with, so no tamales today. We do have tortilla soup, which you are also now able to purchase for take-home.

And of course, our regular sandwich menu.

Just a bit of housekeeping: Our cart is missing, which means that we have to haul everything up by hand until we recover it. Seen it? It's a grey, resiny, 2-tiered number. Reward.

We're all working our way back into the flow.

And we're all looking forward to spending the next year feeding the funnest crowd in food service. And don't worry, we'll help ya keep your diet resolutions -- at least until mid-February.

Welcome back to it.

Tamales and Sprinkle Brigade share the spotlight

There's a lot of house to keep, so let's overpass the niceties and get straight to the poop.

On tap for today:
• Apple Cinnamon Coffee Cake
• Morning Wood
• Tamales: Chicken or Cheese, add a greengo salade just for fun.


• Sweet Potato and Black Bean Quesadillas (vegetarian), with pico, crema and avo.

• Butternut Squash soup

• Paninis by the boatload, including the ultimately famous panini of portobello, pesto, spinach, balsamic hot sammy of hearts. As always, glute-free bread and pita available for your lunch-feasting pleasure.
• Chocolate cake like crazy.

Today we're hosting the delicious and delicate Matt Murphy and his epic pictorial peep inside the deep thoughts of poo. Buy your copy of Sprinkle Brigade Volume 1: New York State of Mind at the coffee bar before the holidays. Then we'll wrap it up all pretty-like for you tomorrow and you can make someone happy with funny poop pics. Holiday sale price: $10.

What do I mean we'll wrap it for you? Most people suck at it. All three of us can thoroughly kick Martha's ass with that shit, so we're setting up a wrapping table on Thursday. We'll wrap your action up all tight and pretty for a nominal convenience fee -- and hours of saved time on your end. Just bring your gifts in marked shopping bags (and a list of what's in those bags), drop them off before 10 on Thursday or Friday morning -- and we'll return them to you wrapped and ready to give by 4 each day.

Only three more days to go before the holiday officially starts, and we miss everybody already. Boohoo.

Old Saint Pimp + 3 Hos

All snark, no bite

the horror! a pun! and ex-clams, to boot!

Look what we gotcha. Chai. Leaded and un.
Grab a Cinnamon Apple Coffee Cake to go with, or


a fresh-today Voodoonut
Morning Wood sound good? Sho' do.
On deck for lunch is Spinach Butternut Lasagne with a Greengo salade, all topped with hazelnuts.


It's a melancholy Tuesday, which equals chocolate in this neck. Take your pick. Behind love handle number one is Raw Banana Chips and Homade Ganache for dipping, dolloped with whipped cream and caramel. If you're nice we might even cook your banana.




Loosely guarded behind flesh apron numero deuce is Melty Chocolate Cake. With more chocolate on top.
Before the week is out, cruise by and have a lookee at our moving pictography of ad-agency hottie aesthetic pleasingness.

Love ya later.

Crush of the Week and Monday vittles

One cool thing about this town is that it's filled with badass food freaks and restauranteurs. Even cooler is that there is a sense of welcome and kindness among P-town's food friends that can't be found anywhere else. I presume, but I've never owned an anything anywhere else. Anyway, a while back I was sharing serving tales over bourbon and full-body storytelling with another guy who's quite familiar with feeding and drunking up you jokebags: Clyde. Of Clyde Common.

And now he's here to announce this installment of Crush of the Week. Yum to the fourth power!


Clyde says: This week's crush was kind of a no-brainer from the jump. You know when you meet someone and your day instantly gets better, and then you live off at least a five-minute wake of good-times and genuine smiles. That's officially called Joe Fuckin' Staples, dot com. The first time you speak to him you figure that voice has to be a put-on behind those smart-guy spectacles, the skinny legs and the multi-wheeled transport. The skinny looks-like-his-dad Archie in tow. It's all too much.

Mister Dr. Staples has been a committed patron of Devil's Lunchbox since we got here. We make him laugh, he makes us piss ourselves laughing, and we're all sad when he turns to ride off into the concrete jungle.

Come Oh! Ate. Myra's Trick Tea -- named after Joe's mum, Myra, will be a regular heh staple on the menu. Phontically it's a "Bittavis an' abittovat. It'sabitta wha'eva Mum's gah'invhe cubboards. Y'know, trick tea." Whatever we have in our cupboard is what you may find on your plate.
Mrs. Dr. Staples didn't show the whites of her eyes until deep into our second month, right before Fanksgiving, and we haven't been able to shake her loose since. She lets us watch as she defends herself against her lover's advances, what Mr. Dr. calls "titting off," which Joe has been known to order down at the lunch basin. Doggie Dr. Staples is just another fine part of the pretty little package. So he get's crush cred, too.

Yeah, they're an obvious choice. And that's why we love them. Vagina is for you, lovers. Thanks for being the Crush of the Week.

It's all crickets around here today. There's like four people in the building. We're keeping lunch light and breakfast on the slow burn.

Look for:
Morning Wood Sandos
Scones (see below)
Voodoo Donuts

Chicken, tuna, and/or egg salad sliders
Paninis as you please, gluten-free bread and hearty veggie paninis
Some kind of Soup

And last week's big. big winner: Lettuce cups filled with tofu or chicken and a bunch of fancy 'shrooms.



Scones, Blueberry and Cinny Brown Sugar ones.

Cookies like crazy for your post-luncheon glucose attack.


If you're still around this week, come by and hug us up. We'll be here all during the break trying to get our shit together to serve you better in '08.

A jar full of tips

Soooooooo.

Friday's Crush of the week announcement was overshadowed by an unintentional email fiasco instigated by Ryan Peterson, who will be beaten about the mouth merkin and front grundle Monday afternoon at 4. We're sharpening our nun chucks. Here's a tip: Don't sit next to Ryan at the coffee bar with your work email open when you're accidentally in the middle of an all-agency email stoning. Fuuuuuuuck.

Furthermore on the tip tip, it's not advisable to use the term "balls-deep" in agency correspondence. Apparently there's some unresolved all-agency PTSD associated with those words, and it squicks Kristen (that's s-t-E-n) out to hear Tom Bless giggle while he repeats it ad nauseum like a nine-year-old. In retrospect, not a good choice. Mea culpa. Mis apologies. Of the most sincere sort. Truly.

Another tip: If you're ever upset with us, come on down and we can hug it out. There's nothing that can't be solved face to face. Hate your sando? Bring it back. We'll send you away with a new one or your money and a tight, loving hug. Hated your service? Speak up. It's cool. Bad days crop up all the time. We try not to have them or infect you with ours when we do. It's all love most of the time. Swear. Got a suggestion you're a teensy bit afraid to make but you think would benefit us tremendously? Make it. Clearly there's nobody in charge down here.

In other housekeeping:
Monday marks the first official day of regular Voodoo Donuts, Grand Central Bakery's breads (including ciabiatta rolls, como, whole wheat and rye), and Kettleman's Bagels deliveries. Yep, that's right! We've finally sourced regular, delivering vendors for all your carb-addicted selves. No more waiting for bagels! And Kettleman's are the perfect balance of crunchy, dense and airy. Morning Wood never had it so good.

We are also -- finally, after much resistance and 30+ decades worth of many perfect fingers among us --looking deeply into the acquisition of a meat and cheese slicer so that we can roast and slice our own natural meats, and try to upgrade our cheese quality by slicing it ourselves -- all in aid of keeping prices reasonable. It'll probably be after the first of ought-eight before we roll out that barrel, but look for an upgrade and some band-aids sometime in the near.

You may have also noticed our little drink fridge stowed to the right of the cereal bar. At the moment it is filled with Coka, Sprite, and Diet Coca -- for $1 a pop. The soda will soon share that real estate with a few of our most popular sandwiches (pre-made) and to-go-right-now salads for your grabbing-and-going pleasure.

We're doing all we can to exploit the coffee bar space in the best ways feasible and legal to keep your day moving. So if you notice that a few things have been moved around over the next couple of weeks, just ask and we'll tell ya what's where.

Now that all of the formalities have been formalized, it's time to get to the real important shit. The Crush of the Week. And a big high-five on the big beer win. More beer for you means more lunch dates for us, so keep killing those big wins. Impressive.

Foggy food and gift-givery

Yesterday's blog hiatus was accidental, but essential. And apparently we made too many jello shots, with which the studio happily helped us dispense. Thanks, friends.

Today we roasted up a pot of meaty-potato goodness. Pot Roast! With a green salad? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. A veggiac version for the meat-averse also up for grabs and roasting as I type.

Tamales were such a big hit, we brought them back today for a limited time only. Paninis by the pantsload, and cold sandos, too.

Potato Leek for soup slurpers.

There were a lot of sweet catering orders placed for today, thank cheeba. These naked discs of angina are slated to become little Black and White cookie nuggets. But don't plan to get your paws on the freebie fully-dressed goods unless you're attending the hot-toddy-infested portfolio show hosted by the art buyers in the atrium at 3. Otherwise you can come down and we'll barter you for a fist full of dollas and you can get in on the party.
Joani, Countess of Agency Spin and Fashion Festooning, ordered up these hot sacks of Crackadamias™ to impress some of her minions. Should work like it's your job, baby.
Speaking of gift-making, let's talk inter-office love. Not necessarily the sling-her-over-your-boss's-desk type of love, but we don't judge. Got a work compatriot that you look forward to heckling every day? Have a junior department schlub who does all of your bitch work and only complains about 4 out of every 10 outrageous requests? Wanna kiss your boss's overpaid ass? Would you like to anonymously welcome that hot new slice of action in the next quad over?

We have an idea!

Give the gift of an interlude with us. Devil's Lunchbox gift certificates available at the coffee pit from now until this place shuts down for "the holidays," and in perpetuity. Cruise by and pick one up today. Or tomorrow. Or whenevs.




Breakfast's still on, and lunch is incoming. Stay inside and we'll warm ya up.

Flurm

It's a beautiful day on top of the world. By the time we rolled out at 7, we were on point and ready for another day of slinging hash at the ad shack.



Now, about breakfast.

Cinnamon Apple Coffee Cake

Morning Wood is still up and going, burritos are warm and cozy, and we have a added a couple of old, new regular items.

Juices: Orange, Apple, Grapefruit
Granola Yogurt Fruit Parfait

Coca, Sprite and Diet Coca

And a special request by John Jay, aka Crush of the Week(s), DONUTS! Today we have Voodoo, but we'll be keeping the donut vendor varied so you people don't get too complacent.
Mid-day dining includes:
Tofu + Mushroom Lettuce Wraps

Honey Mustard Roast Pork Tenderloin with Asparagus and Garlic-Thyme Roasted Potatoes. Mon. Ey.


Soup: Potato Leek

We also have a lovely variety of grilled sandos, not-grilled sandos, gluten-free bread -- and chicken, tuna, and egg salad today.

Any of your lunch items may be accompanied by a purty green salad with some red bits on top.

For the afternoon glucose dip, we've got Shiny Chocolate Cake, and Crackadamias like crazy.
We'll be waiting for you.

Monday returns

The weekends are never long enough, right? Since it's Monday, and it's Rachelle's first full day, we're going balls to the wall. On deck:

Breakfast burritos with eggs, green chiles, black beans, onions, potatoes, and bacon or veggie sausage; schmutz'd up with pico, crema, and avo. $4.50 per
Morning Wood Breakfast Sandos are on. Egg + Cheese on an English muff, OR! we're giving biskits a go today, and so can you. Buttermilk ones. $3.50 Add bacon or veggie sausage (or avo) for $eventy five cent mas per extra.



You know sometimes when you are just having a day? It's not good. It's not bad. It's just eh. Well, Miss Liz was having one of those days last week. So we Pity Fucked her.
Leave your Magnums in your wallets, fellas. A Pity Fuck is a free meal from us because you're having a shitty day. When we told Liz that the only other P.F. we'd dispensed so far was to Spencer Kramer, she asked if she could give her fuck back and just pay. Something about bad company, "that ilk," and then a long eeewwwwwwwwww . Anyway, we insisted she take it, and take it she did. We're full of happy endings down at the caffeination station.

We're starting off the week with some healthy issues, namely Maple Roasted Chicken + Sweet Potatoes with onions. $6.50. It's Alberto's favorite, which is saying a lot since he hates every fucking thing.
Thinking about something less chickeny and more tuna-y and melty? How about a tuna melt? Like crazy, right? We'll toss that sucka on the sando grill for you, give you whole new ideas about how a melty samsickle should be presented. Our tuna's on the money. We also have egg and chicken salads today for a limited time only. "Get all up *in* that," to quote your funny little Old Spice client who used these unfortunate words while hugging me a little to long, and a little to hard. Took one for the team that day, friends.

Any old way, don't like tuna? Fine, try Butternut squash soup with a dollop of crema ($3.50 ea) and green salad ($3 ea) to go with. $ix bones for both. Together.

Or choose Sweet Potato Quesadillas with pico, avo, crema, and black bean hummy $6.5o


Now, about those cookies -- Espresso Chocolate Chip and White Chocolate Toffee -- a.k.a. Crackadamias™ -- that are usually long gone by the end of the day. Today we have straight-up chocolate chippers, in addition to the toffee-laden regs. $1.75, as always.

Aaaaaannnnnnd, break.

So long, Gorgeous

Feeling fiesty and ready to take her new wheels for a spin, the The Mayor of Crazytown gave the fabulous and retiring Gail a lingering embrace.

We don't about the rest of this place, but we're gonna miss you like crazy, lady. Thanks for brightening our Fridays.

Bon Retirement!!

Thanksgiving for Chanukkah

One thing I've noticed down at our little petri dish of sociology, otherwise known as the coffee bar, a.k.a. Devil's Lunchbox, is that like any other creative hub, this building feeds off the energy its inhabitants generate. Work starts early for us, most days at 4am. Time to make the donuts.

We bake a few things that will put you in the cardiac ward, but otherwise, we try keep it light, yet satiating. By the time you show up, you're ready for a breakfast of Morning Wood. A laugh. And maybe some of that Starbuck's coffee we so proudly serve.

While you :: p a t i e n t l y :: wait for your foodstuffs, you take my salty abuse, and Sushi's sweet Midwestern hospitality. She's the good cop to be sure. The bewilderment is faux, don't be fooled.

Before we darkened your doorknobs, we were just two moms -- one a washed up ad hack by the age of 27 with a domestic microbakery and a lot of grandiose plans, a lot of how-the-fuck-did-that-happen, Britton? babies, and a lot of the characteristics of a person who is highly unemployable in a "traditional" job. For reals. You guys see why every day.
The other of us a knitting-addicted pink-haired flooz, with green thumbs on her hands, and a flower in her hair -- a professional mom turned breakfast jerk in fewer than 24 hours. She hired a couple of hippie nan/mannies with no cell phones who live in a van in her front yard so that she could have child care for her daughter. To be here with me, for you -- and she doesn't want to leave. The cracked-out kidnapper-van-living nannies are gone, but Sushi's still here and as Alberto likes to Ponte out, "She's the only one that does any fucking work around here."

We've been here for nine weeks already. You'd think we'd have our shit a little more together, but to be truthful, we're pretty fucking beat. We're trying hard to parse out all of the focus grouping we've been conducting down in our little dominion.

There are plans for a new menu something or other for the blog-hateraters, new environmentally conscious breakfast and lunch order forms, and lots of other attempts at bitchin' customer service, including desk delivery on the Cholo Cruiser.


Our newest full-time helper, Rachelle starts on Monday. We're so excited she's coming, we've offered her all kinds of perqs, but all she wanted was for us to set her up with a guy who has great outerwear, a full beard, and a good heart.

We've taken some pretty hard hits on gossip about ourselves, which is how we know we're really a part of this place, not just an island in the atrium. We get emails and blog comments like crazy, and everyone who has been nice has been extremely nice. Everyone who hasn't has gotten a not-very-flattering nickname and an air gun pointed at their backs when they walk off. Juvenile, but funny.

And even though a couple of those 12ers hate our vaginarock in which we occasionally indulge, I was an ad student, too. I have a soft spot for your cushy ad school digs and the reminder to Fail Harder every time I cruise by on a dish raid. Fear of failure is a lot less intimidating than fear of success. I'm not sure which one to fear most.
Today was another odd day down at the coffee pub. Fast and slow all at once. At around 4p, an entourage of pretty ladies escorted this ridiculously over-produced piece of magic to the coffee shed. I think they're trying to tell me something by filling that little pot with narcissuseseses, but we'll take those flowers and admire the shit out of them anyway.

As our way of saying thanks back for the flowers, we're offering $3 bacon/veggie sausage, egg and cheese sandwiches Friday morning until 11.

Hot lunch specials are probably going to be Meatloaf and green salad; french onion soup; paninis, paninis, paninis; sweet potato quesadillas, and possibly some amazing baked goods. Depends how early we wake up.

It's an honor to be here. Thanks to every single one of you who comes down to see us, not because you're desperate, but because you know we are. I am especially grateful to be welcomed into a place where there's so much amazing work being made that I wish I could have had the ad sack to make myself once upon a time.

So thanks, Wieden + Kennedy. Thanks for the flowers. Thanks for the props. Thanks for the business. And thanks for letting us be here. Every day is epic.

xo:dana

Courtesy of

Big love, mad props, and big boobie hugs to Joint's very own Confused Tommy Harden. Before the Thanksgiving break he dropped a jar of Cranberry Jam on our heads, and we thanked him with a hot, toasty Tommy Harden special: Cranberry jam, turkey, avo, fontina, mayo and a butterfly kiss.

Thanks for the jam, man.

Wednesday

Everybody's gossiping down at the coffee cup.
"Look at all the hot sauce!"

"Yeah, I heard it's for all the tamales they sell on Wednesdays. But people use them on their Morning Wood all the time. Are you having Chicken Mole or Chicken Green Chile or Green Chile Cheese?""I'm usually partial to the Chicken tortilla soup. It's amazing because it's covered in cheese and avo and crema, with these little tortilla strips. Amazing."

"Sorry to eavesdrop. Hi. I'm Adama. I'm new here. And who's that guy that always his Chaucerian eyebrow raised?"


"Who? Chaucer? Eh, don't mind his eyebrow. He's single again and on the watchtower."

"Okay, we'll see you guys back here this afternoon for Espresso Chocolate Chip and White Chocolate Toffee Cookies."

The end.

Let's get it on

The forecast for Tuesday is sunny and not shiteous -- albeit a touch bit drafty -- so come grab a hot Morning Wood Breakfast sando or lunch (to follow) and sit up on the deck. It's amazing up here at blog central.


We have squillions of hot sauces on the table where you will find the S+P, napkins, and eating utensils, just to the left of the coffee bar.
And there may be a couple of these breakfast puppies left this morning. Check with Sushi for availability.

Cram your credit card receipts and other benjys in the tip jug. We'll round those beeches up at the end of the day. They're floating everywhere. Help us control the chaos, por favor.

Lemon Poppyseed Muffs for those of you not taking a piss test today. $2.50 each. We've also got LTA's hot-loads-of-goo muffs -- almost gone.

For your midday dining pleasure, we're rationing out Spinach Lasagne Bolognese. So fucking money with some hot buttery bread. $6.50We've also got everybody's favorite Sweet Potato Quesadillas with Black Bean Hummus, crema, pico and avo. $6.50

Paninis -- including the very popular Portabello Mushroom Pesto sando -- and gluten free bread if you're a glutard.

This is a dairy-dolloped Curried Butternut Squash Soup with Cilatro Yogurt and Hot Naan. Um, you don't even know. Johnny blazin'. $5.50 per serving

PMSing? Stuff your pie hole with a Chocolate Log with Runny Ganache. $3.50 eachTomorrow:
Tamales and Tortilla Soup

We're also selling these babies in man- and lady-friendly colors and sizes. Seventeen bones. One trazillion smiles.

Happy Chanukkah one and all chosen people!!
Let it be broughten.

Alberto makes a Ponte

Juicy wads of boeuf and a fresh new Crush of the Week

Happy hangovers, friends? If not, we can help you find one down at the coffee lean-to. Swing by and ask for an executive latte, wink, and pat your own tushie. We'll know what you're talking about.

If you missed the breakfast hour, here's what you didn't get: Breakfast burritos. There may be one or two left, but you'll have to see Sushi about that one.

Even though LTA is off playing with the boys, we still made his faves -- hot-load-o-goo coffee cake. $2.50 ea
During yesterday's little menu poll, tarts kept popping up. So we got on it.
$1/little foil package of disaster.

Also back for another showing, Matt Kelley's favorite, hummus by the pantsload. Possibly a terrible word-choice combination, but I'm sticking with it. $Sixbux gets you a large pile of homade hummus above greens; adjacent to some cukes, feta, hot pita nibbles, red pepper and black olives with the pits intact.


Veg-friends, look away, lest your eyes sear with all the goodness that is a juicy, raw log of boeuf. Meatloaf was the big wiener of yesterday's email poll. Right after Kirstie Hartill and Alison Bonner's pleas for geoduck soup. But, um, boiled weiner -- er, clam -- uh, not so much.

So anyway, the life cycle of a free-styled loaf of meat starts out humbly.
With no pan to confine and box it in, the meatloaf metamorphoses into a miraculous specimen of fine fleshly fascination.

And winds up a masterfully crafted lunch special for a hungry bunch of ad hats. The last time we served hot loaves of meat, they were gone by noon. Today we're serving them with horsey mashed potatoes and the special siz for Six Dolla.
The Mayor of Crazytown made a special request for oatmeal chocolate chunkers. You can get your hands on his sloppy seconds for $1.50 per.




* * * * *
So everyone's been wondering WTF happened to the Crush of the Week.

We're busy. We're lazy. And we're forgetful. But there hasn't been a star as shining as our last couple of coffee-loving handsomes, so I guess there're about 400 folks who really need to be checking their game.

OK. Make that 399.

Our crush of this week is a man -- yes, a man -- to whom we've never spoken nor seen, but who eats our slop at least three times a week. Well, we think we may have seen him once or twice, and goodness knows we've asked about him, but few can point him out. And nobody knows what he does around here. It's some sort of agency espionage to tell because even our most well-placed moles can divulge nothing of this man's mission.

But whatever, we'll take his money three time a week any way.

So, John Jay, whoever the eff you are, come on down and get your Vagina is for Lovers tee. We'll take your picture when you come to try your shirt on. Yours and Poison Ivy's next lunch is on us.


* * * * *

Also, we're outtie at 3.30 on the nose today. Our honeys have ordered up a couple of afternoon delights. And no offense, that sounds way better than slinging food at you jokers.

Have a Friday that's sunny side up,
your hash hags

Hot (or not) man-on-man action

This has been a weird-ass week already. Everybody was totally dragging ass yesterday. Almost every response we got to, "How are you today?" was met with grumbles, grumpy pants, and ideas about who should go fuck themselves.

Today things were much warmer and cheerier around the old campfire. For some reason, the kids from 6 decided to bring their man-cavern antics down to the in-house cafe. I can't tell you what just happened, but I can tell you that we're holding a contest to see who's got the best guess. Please leave yours in the comments of this blog post (along with your first name, last initial -- all you liz's and kelly/ey/ie's).

We think they're celebrating the win of the K-Y business, but only Tom + Jelly can say for sure.

So.

Everybody's favorite: Chicken tortilla soup served with avocado, crema, cheese and homemade tortilla strips. $4.50/bowl


Our new regular day for los tamales is Wednesday, as in today. We are killing up some chicken mole tamales or cheese green chile with pico, homade hot sauce, avos, and crema $2.50
Quieres flan? $3 por favor.
Renny wanted plain old chocolate chip cookies, so we made him some. But he left some behind for you (and graciously bought another patron's coffee after we made the mere suggestion). Renny may be a douche, you guys, be he's a supernice douche.

Also, Aaron, our old Crush of the Week is about to get dethroned. Keep your antennae on for updates.

OMG. I can't stop looking at this picture. Jelly looks like he's pooping.

Turkey bloat and holiday hangover

"How was your Thanksgiving?"
"Did you have a nice holiday?"
"How was your trip?"
"Nice to see you."

Everyone is all lollipops and wine coolers around here today. Bad moods have been replaced with good ones, and we're back -- like it or not.

Here's what you need to know:
Breakfast burritos by the metric ton $4.50 each with crema, salsa, and avo.

Pumpkin coconut snowflake muffs, blueberry muffs, and apple coffee cake await you at the coffee bin: $2.50 each

And then. And, then! Fer lunch:

Chicken tortilla soup with avo, cheese, crema and homemade tortilla strips $4.50/bowl

Sweet potato quesadillas with black bean hummus, crema, and avo $6

And of course, cookies, cookies, cookies.

* * * * *
Tuesday we're killing up some southern cooking with cheese grits in the morning, along with fried egg chicken-in-a-basket breakfast sandos, pulled pork for lunch, with some greens, vegy baked beans and cornbread.

Wednesday is the new tamale day, and you're looking forward to cheese/green chile and/or an amazing chicken mole tamale that will scramble your brain. We'll probably hit up some other latin treats this day, but those are completely TBD.

Welcome home, ad crackers.

Fresh out of bagels

Good morning, hung over and hard-working Fridayers.

Sushi's cooking up some Morning Wood Egg Muffs as I type, and the baked goods are all new to you. Today we're peddling some Apple Cranberry Muffs and Pumpkin Snowflake Muffs for $2.50

Hot lunch is a fat bowl of Turkey Black Bean Chili or Gluten-Free Veggie Chili. $4/bowl

The free coffee table is still in a holding pattern per the 6th floor.

You stay dry, we'll stay cool.
Güten Friday.

Strike One

So. Today. Today we are stirring up more shit down at the coffee cabana. There's no free coffee today on the free coffee table. Why? We're on strike. Big time. Why? Because that table is a hot mess by 10am every day, and we need your help. So we're taking the day off to gently remind you what life is like without having your coffee brewed for you, just like every other floor has to do for itself.

Before we drip off one more carafe of free coffee, let's agree on the following:

• The drip coffee next to the coffee bar is totally free, courtesy of the Mayor of Crazytown.

• There is 1/2 + 1/2 on the table, and if you need a sip of another kind of milk, ask us. We're happy to get it for you, it just may take a sec if we're slammed with paying customers.

• We can't stress this request enough: Please take one second to be considerate to us and your ad-shack-mates, hand us an empty coffee or cream, we'll trade you for a full one.


• Please, the milk near the cereal dispensers is for, uh, people who buy cereal. Not coffee. Easy.

• Please use the cups that are on the table as opposed to borrowing from the coffee bar.

• If you really need your coffee today, we'll happily brew you an Americano. Not free, but hella good.

• We can't see the free coffee table, and that's by design. We want, need, and are enlisting your help to maintain it. It's free to you guys, but we still have to run it. Hand us kicked carafes, shoot for your cup with the sugar, there are plenty of napkins for little spills, and jayzuz-effing-aitch you guys, there are TWO trash cans right there. Right. There.

We love you and we want you to have your coffee and sit and chat us up. We don't care if you don't buy anything. We even like the free coffee table and have occasionally been adding free iced tea and other drinks. Please just remember that this free coffee thing is a dance, and we need a good partner.

Thank you.
And, the end.

A Meeting of the Porns

Food porn:
Tamales are here today! Mercedes and Alejandro, our tamale-making compadres were off on Monday for Veteran's Day, but they hooked it up late last night and the tamales have been broughten. $3 each, starting now.


Our fair-weather friends in the No-Pro Quad on 3 complained about the dearth of reading material. We freshened our inventory, and for some reason all the boys and girls from 4, 5 + 6, have been flocking to the coffee barn to fondle our porn. Sadly, the upgrade does not meet with No-Pro standards. More porn for the ad nerds!



We are also warming up some potato leek soup for lunch today for all the veg heads.

Sorry for the blog hiatus. Our kids' school flooded out and it's hard to blog food porn and fake boobies when you've got a 98-lb sack of baby strapped to your ass. Seriously. Try it.

"I find her annoying, and yet I eat there every day." – Alberto Ponte

YAY! Food porn is here:

Today's delicacies include:
Morning Food
• Morning Wood Egg Sandos made to order, with bacon or not
• Apple Coffee Cake Muffs
• Un-Cream-Cheese-Icing-Iced Carrot Bread

Mid-Day Eats
• Sweet Potato Quesadillas with Black Bean Hummus, served with mango avo salsa and crema
• Farmer's Pasta with fontina, provolone, mozz, and parm, an anthill of garlic, and pancetta for good measure


• Carrot Cake with cream cheese icing

Tomorrow is Tamale and Tortilla Soup Day. We're also keeping the Sweet Potato Quesadillas on the daily menu until everybody's sick of them, but those things are money so we hope they stick around for a while.

Cruise by and say hey today. Nothing says Monday Morning like a kick in the nards from us.

Hace un buen Monday.

In the hole

Friday was positively slothy down at the coffee bin. As we suspected, this quiet pot of chicky noodle:


was no match for free pizza and tight Aussies in skinny jeans.


We could have totally just phoned it in yesterday. A vibrant moment amidst the dirge of the crickets was our old pal Tom. He rolled up very stealthfully and inadvertently managed to perform one of the most well-executed cock blocks we have seen in our short tenure as your coffee hags. After the initial shock of his faux pas, Tom got to thinking. He contemplated the feminine conjugation of the term.
It came to him in a rush of epiphany, and chuffed with himself, he shared his fine thinking. If you see Tom, ask him what he came up with. It's sure to find it's way into the Urban Dictionary of Suits with Dirty Minds very soon.

Next week's menu is still in the concept phases, but it will definitely include tamales on Tuesday and probably/possibly breakfast burritos, turkey black bean chili, chicken noodle soup, butternut squash and hazelnut lasagne, lasagna bolognese, butternut squash soup, and lots and lots of sweet potato and black bean quesadillas.

We're messing with the menu some more and tightening things up. The Med hummus plate will become an irregular special as we need to make our own hummus. All of the commercial brands whose tires we've kicked aren't up to Matt Kelley's golden standard of excellence, so they're out.

Keep an eye on the lighthouse for all of next week's savory and sundry tasties. Bon weekend!

Sour cows

It's been a long week of short nights around here. Things down at Crazytown Hall have been a bit three-ring in nature these past few days, and although we promised not to send out any more of our spammy food porn emails, you guys need quite a bit of reminding apparently. So we lied like it's our job. We're going to keep spamming out your eyeholes until everyone's full.

We need to toss a shout out to LTA who hooked us up with all his celeb gospel rags, and an issue of Working Mother, just in case we didn't already have mommy angst for ditching our kids to hang out with you jokers.

The Mayor of Crazytown requested that we get set up with some tables so we can hold our life coaching, NDA-worthy goss sessions and host Scrabble tourneys with much more hospitality and aplomb. Thanks for making it happen, Vinnie.
We had a special visitor today. You were probably wondering where that screaming baby who wouldn't hush was. It was this guy -- one of our children who needs saving. He's Zach. And every time you eat at the coffee bar, it means he can eat, too. He says thanks for the support and sorry for all the ruckus.

In other news, Abby (who is new and if you haven't met her you should) is rocking some gluten-free love for all the glutards and celiacs in the house. We're going to be poaching a few recipes from her healthy-living logues, so stay tuned there.
In other other news, we're trying to figure out how to increase our reliability and productivity with one of these: a hot, single blonde named Rachelle. If you see her lurking around the catwalks, she's with us. Be nice. Or her boys will wreck ya (get after that raise, fritz).
We also need to toss out a special thanks to someone who has managed to surpass Coffee Bar Crush status, and headed straight to our champagne-cold hearts by being the Coffee Bar Babysitter. When the urge to siesta strikes, Marco is our main man. For reals.
And just in case you were wondering what you missed out on today, see here:

Now then, Friday is straight up Shabbat Shalom. Lox and bagels and all the accessories (including a breath mint), chicken noodle soup, and Reubens for your hot lunching pleasure. If you have a few tomorrow, cruise by and say hey. It's been a rough one. Let's hug it out.

We can't compete with Friday's free lunch, but we'll try like hell.

Happy Friday.

The Week in Preview

We're spending the weekend getting a scosh more organized, which includes creating lunch-time ordering cards that you guys will fill out all by yourselves so you can decide and place your order when you arrive, leave your number, and roll. We'll call you when it's ready. Shit, we'll even text you if you want.

We're not quite prepared or intelligent enough to handle regular orders via phone or email. Regular meaning that there's nothing wrong with your feet and you aren't having some sort of verifiable emergency. But if you're trapped in annoying meetings and horribly hung from the night before; tremendously pregnant; having a panic attack; in your office crying because you just found out your BF is schtupping someone half as cute as you; or you're just trying to survive a bad fucking day, call x7400. We'll try to squeeze you in quickly, but you had better be prepared to lay the full story on us. If it's dumb, we'll make you come down to order in person anyway.

We still haven't chatted with the control room about the online ordering scenario. But we're working toward getting on top of all that customer service housekeeping. Please stand by while the logistics are located.

Here's what we've workshopped for the coming week. We reserve the right to switch it up on you last minute in the event that we change or lose our minds altogether.

Monday

• Traditional Coffee Cake Muffins $2.50 ea

• Bran Muffins with Raisins and Dates (they looked a little too healthy so we dusted them with some festive, seasonal decor) $3 ea

• Morning Wood English Muff
Egg + Cheese $3.00
Bacon or Veg Sausage + Egg + Cheese $4.00
Bacon or Veg Sausage + Egg + Cheese + Avocado $4.75
Bacon or Veg Sausage + Egg + Cheese + Avocado + Tomato $5.25 Need that on a bagel? + $1.00


• Meatball Sliders: Homade meatballs smothered in homade marinara, hidden under a raft of fresh mozzarella bubbling over a hot slider bun. $3/slider.

• Caprese Skewer Salad: Fresh mozzarella, cherry tomatoes, and basil skewered together over a bed of greens and spritzed with balsamic vinaigrette $5

• Veg-Friendly Minestrone Soup: Cannelli beans, veggies, herbs and spices $3

Tuesday :: El Segundo Dia de los Muertos

• Huevos Rancheros on Homade Tortillas: Eggs, cheese, seasoned black beans, shredded cheeses, , pico de gallo, and sour cream foisted upon homade corn tortillas $5.25 Add mango avocado salsa and crema +$.75


• Authentic Mexican Cheese or Chicken Tamales and Salsas: The real thing. Served con mango avocado salsa, authentic red y green hot sauces, pico, y crema. $3.00/tamale

• Chicken Tortilla Soup served con mango avocado salsa, crema, y tortilla strips $3.75/bowl

• Green side salad for either of your entrees with your choice of dressings $2.50

Wednesday

• Breakfast Burritos: Eggs, crispy potatoes, bacon or veggie sausage, black beans, onions and cheese all cozy and chubby in a flour tortilla $4.50 Add sour cream and mango avocado salsa $5.25

• Veg- Friendly Butternut Squash & Gruyere Quesadilla + Green Salad $6

• Dairyless Potato Leek Soup + Pita $3

Pre-Thanksgiving Thursday

• Breakfast Burritos and Egg Sandos

•A tapas-style Thanksgobble treat. Roast turkey breast, bourbon mashed sweet potatoes, horseradishy mashed potatoes with caramelized shallots, porcini mushroom gravy, cornbread and sausage stuffing, homade cranberry sauce, a hot roll, and a few green beans and caramelized shallots to go with your starch. $8

• Post-TG Pie: Probably pumpkin and pecan

• Salad special as yet undecided

Shabbat Shalom Friday

• Challah French Toast + syrup + whipped Cream $3

• Lox Spread: Toasted bagel, cream cheese, lox, red onions, tomatoes, capers, and a breath mint. $5.75

• Reuben: Corned beef, Swiss, sauerkraut, and 1000 island on rye, pan fried in a buttery skillet like crazy, and served with Kettle chips $6.25

• Chicken Noodle Soup $3

Looks like it's gonna be a tasty week.

The Debrief and crush of the week

since the announcement of the first ever coffee bar crush of the week, y'all should see the vying going on down here on the third floor. oh the fun we have watching you crazy fecks stumble all over yourselves trying to win our affections (not to mention a hot vagina t and a free lunch). some have opted for the frequent-visit route (five, six times a day), others attempt to buy our love (and you know that's for sale). a few hot messes have even taken to giving us big love-crumb eyes and gooey smiles whilst devouring a plate of thanksgiving over the bar. nothing turns on the mom love like a cherubic face and a full belly.

this all only to say that if you haven't visited us yet, you should. you're missing out on some serious comedy happening down in satan's playpen.

with this week's coffee bar crush of the week, we've decided to host an especially fun game with you ad freaks. cowboy, ninja, bear. see, we just couldn't decide on one crush. you're all nice and generous, you know that. but three in particular stood out to us. after all, variety is the spice of life.


so, gwen, aaron and alberto, we expect you promptly at noon thirty today at the coffee bar for the contest that will determine this week's crush. bring your best impersonation. cowboy, ninja, bear. go. no forfeiting. HA! Just kidding. Gwen is out today and Alberto said, "Um, fuck no." Contest's off Aaron wins!!

_____

The debrief from yesterday's blog debacle is as follows:
1. We have a couple of haters. But Fenske says "It's not great until somebody really hates it." So we must be right on time.

2. We mostly have lovers. Fifty emails and blog comments combined say so.

3. You were just as uncomfortable picking your prices as we are having to justify them.

4. Our prices are mostly going to remain the same. We'll drop morning baked goods to $2.50, but there's no way we're dropping the cookie prices. We were a small microbakery selling those fabulous Crackadamias online to people with good taste. It's our USP. You can't get those mofos anywhere else.

5. See Lawrence, blogs are direct access to your constituency. The media's not so new, but the insight is invaluable.

As promised, today is make your own salad day and the soups are Matzoh Bawls and Veg Split Pea.

Authentic Tamales are slated for Tuesday and are so freaking money they'll scramble your brain.

Happy Friday to all who observe. See you at the coffee bar.

What's it worth to you?

Although we're not strategerists like Cromie and his band of traveling moderators, we're running a little focus group up in this piece for today only.

We've been catching a lot of stinkeye and rainbowing irises over our prices. "I can make this at home for $1.25." Yes. Yes, you can. And you should. You'd sure save a lot of money.

"Some of your stuff is overpriced for what it is. Especially the baked goods." They are not inexpensive, that's for sure. But that's only because we literally spend hours in front of the mixers and our heads in the oven, working with --no shit -- the best ingredients, baking our faces off for your creative approval.

"Maybe you're trying too hard." Maybe we are. Maybe we don't want to serve fancy people shitty cheese. Maybe we care about everything we make and bake, we care about your happiness and how we can help you with it, and we care like crazy that everybody at the coffee bar is having a great time whist waiting for your food -- which is a beautiful segue into:

"You're slow." We sure are. Two ladies vs. 400 hangry, hard-working pros. We're pros too. Professional amateurs, that is. We're going as fast as we can as well as we can. Sure, we're a little sloth-like and stupid. Sure, we forget your order from time to time when someone more important or good looking arrives. Or maybe we're distracted by nothing and forget anyway. We're human. Our food's not free and we're not microwaves. We make everything to order and that, unfortunately, takes some time. If you want fast and cheap, Whole Foods is but a block away. Seriously.

"What time do you wake up?" Anywhere from 3 to 5, depending on how much we have to prepare for the next day's craziness.

"When do you go to sleep?" Anywhere from 10 to midnite. After we do all the grocery shopping, prep all the ingredients, wave hello to our children who haven't seen us in weeks, promise unfulfilled sexual favors to our husbands, and cook, cook, cook 'til the breaka breaka dawn.

"Are you still having fun?" Hell yes. Every day is more fun than those preceding, but it is a real punch in the nards to hear that we're price gougers and half-assers.

So with that, we bring you "Pay what you think it's worth day." Order your food and name your price. Don't worry about what's fair to us, worry about what you think it's worth. That's all we care about. It's the quickest way to get to the core of what you want, how much you value our service and our food, and what you think you'd be cool with paying for it.

"We're so glad you're here." That's the one piece of feedback that we get daily that keeps us coming back for more.

We're glad we're here, too. Thanks for having us.

Ribs. Slaw. Buns. Now.

$6.50



Special thanks to Britton Taylor for making the lunch special happen.

All tricks. No treats.

Except for these tasty morsels.

Warm fatties

First thing's: Which one of you jokebags sold us out to AdRants? Hmm. We thought we were flying a little lower under the radar than that.

As promised, eggs are in the skillet, and breakfast sandos are on like Donkey Kong on the 3rd floor.
OK, that last picture didn't getcha? Try THIS:

We have squillions of baked fresh daily logs on the coffee bar, and our hearing is finally coming back after this morning's little Miracle Ear fire drill fiasco.

Be nice to all the Mitches. It wasn't their fault. It was one of your guyses faults. Whatever, TFG it wasn't ours.


Lunch is as promised:
Dairyless Potato Leek Soup
Sweet Potato and Black Bean Quesadillas
Mac n Cheese
(Possibly) Roasted Veggie and Mozz Sandos
Meatloaf Sandos
And Morning Wood Breakfast Sandos 'til they're gone.

Git it.

Slow drips

We are. And so are most of you. All hung from the weekend's dress up parties.

First off, Fitzloff is wondering what you think of his new hairdo. We think he's going for that heteroflexible look. He was down to visit bright and early making sure he looks marginally attractive enough to meet with his Old Spice clients today. We said yes, but he just wants to make sure.


In other news, this morning we've got scads of baked goods:
Coffee cake and blueberry muffins $3/ea

For lunch we've orchestrated a melange of flavors:
Black bean turkey chili topped with your choices of cheese, pineapple avocado salsa, sour cream, and tortilla chips $6

Mac and Cheese that doesn't suck, according to Gaia, Abby, and Marco. $3.50 per slab

And Veg-Friendly Sweet Potato and Black Quesadillas, pineapple avocado salsa, sour cream $6

Let's keep Monday mellow.

See you guys at lunch.

And we have plenty of cookies.

dana + sushi

Crush of the Week

There's no denying that there are a lot of fine human beings running amok in this piece. In the speedy three weeks it's taken us to get used to the space, the flow, the morning friends, the espresso fiends, the tofu addicts, and the tighties, we've hardly noticed that the days have stretched together in a way that is both exhausting and refreshing -- and not at all unlike caring for a new baby, without all the nipple irritation and post-partum depression.

Neither of us thought that heckling the creative masses while trying not to over-convect the breakfast burritos could be so fulfilling. Almost everybody has been gracious and hospitable, and we flip off and sneer at the grumpy douchebags who aren't friendly when they turn to go. We've had regulars from day one, many of whom visit us twice daily or more. The more time we spend with you all, the more time we want to spend with you. Especially the nice people who generously help save our children so you can grub down and hang out.

Since day three, we have been perusing the quads for a crush. A coffee bar crush. The guy or girl who makes our morning simply by showing up for work. There are a lot of friends and neighbors in contention for the honor. And let me assure you, the prize is a good one.

Jed is the best first crush we could pick. You know why?


He's committed.

We should all be so lucky to have a Jed.

Thanks for making us smile, Jed. Swing by for the free meal of your choosing and your prize. You'll keep the title until somebody better comes along. We like to start with a high bar to separate the crushes from the distractions.